Is Everyone a Narcissist Now? Sorting TikTok Drama from Real Mental Health
- mariannegunnigan
- Jul 31
- 7 min read
Let's be honest, most of us have moments when we act a bit full of ourselves. Maybe we show off a bit after a big win or get a little too caught up in our own opinions. That's normal. It's what you might call everyday narcissistic behaviour. It usually passes and doesn't mean someone has a personality disorder.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), on the other hand is a completely different kettle of fish. According to mental health experts, NPD involves a long-standing pattern of grandiosity, constant need for praise, a lack of empathy and behaviour that hurts relationships or work life. To be diagnosed, someone usually needs to tick off at least five specific traits that show up consistently and cause real issues.
So, despite what TikTok might tell you, just because someone brags a lot or acts selfish from time to time doesn't mean they have NPD. The disorder is much more deep-rooted and long-term.
The Role of Healthy Narcissism
Something that often gets missed in these conversations is healthy narcissism. Yes, there is such a thing. And it's actually really important. It's the bit of us that lets us feel good when we achieve something, helps us set boundaries and gives us the confidence to speak up for ourselves. Without it, we might let people walk all over us.
Healthy narcissism isn't about being arrogant or ignoring others. It's about having a strong sense of self-worth. It motivates us, helps us recover from knockbacks, and supports healthy ambition. Problems arise only when it tips too far and turns into entitlement or disregard for others.
How Common Is NPD?
In Ireland, it's tricky to get exact numbers because large-scale studies on NPD here are limited. But looking at broader European and UK data, experts reckon the prevalence of NPD is somewhere around 0.5 to 1 percent of the general population. That's about one in every 100 to 200 people.
Interestingly, Irish therapists and counsellors are reporting more people coming in with concerns around narcissistic behaviour either in themselves or in people they're close to. This often shows up in family law cases, therapy after breakups, or workplace bullying claims. So, even if the full-blown disorder isn't very common, the impact of narcissistic traits definitely is.
And in more intense settings, like family court or mental health services, the rate is likely higher. Still, with the HSE under pressure and long waiting lists for proper psychological evaluations, many people go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. That means there's probably more of it out there than we officially know.
Quick Stats
Unpacking the Spectrum: From Traits to Disorder
Narcissism isn't all or nothing. It's more like a spectrum. Most of us have a bit of it, especially when we're feeling under pressure or want to impress someone. But it only becomes a proper issue when the traits are rigid, constant and start damaging relationships.
At one end, someone might love a bit of attention and occasionally forget to think about others. At the other end, with NPD, those traits are full-on and unrelenting. They typically can't see how their behaviour affects others and don't take kindly to criticism.
Some narcissists are loud and boastful. Others are more sensitive and insecure underneath, getting upset over the smallest criticism. Both types fall under the NPD umbrella.
Where It Comes From: Nature, Nurture and Society
Is It in the Genes?
Studies on twins suggest there's a genetic link. Traits like entitlement and manipulation might run in families, with heritability rates between 37 and 77 percent.
Childhood Experiences
How someone is raised plays a big role. Kids who are constantly over-praised or emotionally neglected may develop narcissistic tendencies. Inconsistent parenting, being praised one minute and criticised the next, can really mess with how a person sees themselves.
The World Around Us
Cultural influences matter too. In more individualistic societies like Ireland, people are encouraged to stand out and be ambitious. This is a massive generational change. I can well remember (as I'm sure other people my age can too) being told 'self-praise is no praise'. We were actively discouraged from getting too big for our boots! Social media has created a huge change in societal attitudes in a generation. The advent of apps that reward selfies, bragging and online drama could be encouraging narcissistic traits. Not everything you post online says something deep about your personality, but constant performance for likes can feed that cycle.
Other Mental Health Stuff That Tends to Show Up with NPD
NPD often shows up alongside other mental health conditions:
Depression or bipolar disorder
Anxiety disorders
Other personality disorders in the same “Cluster B” category
Actually, around 84 percent of people diagnosed with any personality disorder have more than one. That can make diagnosing and treating NPD pretty complicated.
How It Affects Relationships
Family and Home Life
If you’ve got a narcissistic parent or sibling, you probably know how draining it can be. They might always need attention, twist stories to suit themselves, or criticise you in sneaky ways.
Romantic Partners
Dating someone with strong narcissistic traits can feel amazing at first. They might sweep you off your feet. But then things shift. Criticism creeps in. You feel like nothing you do is good enough. Eventually, they might cut you off or move on like you meant nothing. This cycle that goes from idealising to devaluing and eventualy discarding is brutal.
Work Situations
Narcissists can come across as confident and charming in job interviews or meetings, but behind the scenes, they might take credit for others’ work, refuse feedback, or treat colleagues poorly. They can turn a workplace toxic fast.
Social Life
They might seem fun or engaging at first, but friendships with narcissists often stay shallow. They’re usually more interested in what you can do for them than in any real connection.
Why Dealing with Narcissists Is So Tough
They don’t think they're the problem
They can't (or won't) empathise
They get angry or defensive when challenged
They're great at making others feel guilty or confused
Trying to reason with someone who always needs to be right and refuses to see your side is exhausting.
NPD in Today's World
Social Media
We all know that platforms like Instagram and TikTok are built for self-promotion. That doesn't mean everyone using filters is a narcissist, but the constant need to look good, be liked and get noticed definitely encourages narcissistic behaviour.
Politics
Some politicians (not mentioning any names) show classic narcissistic traits; craving attention, refusing criticism, blaming others. Voters are becoming more aware of this, and it's fuelling debates around leadership styles and mental health.
Too Many Labels
The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot these days. Just because someone's selfish or annoying doesn't mean they have NPD. Misusing the term dilutes its meaning and can hurt people who genuinely live with or suffer from the disorder.
Social Media Overdiagnosis
Mental health content on TikTok, Twitter and Instagram is everywhere. Some of it's helpful. Some of it… not so much. It's easy to start thinking your ex was a narcissist because a video listed a few traits. But self-diagnosing, or diagnosing others based on a few clips isn't reliable. Always best to talk to someone trained in this stuff.
Coping Strategies and How to Protect Yourself
Set Boundaries
Be clear about what's okay and what's not. Don't let guilt or pressure break those boundaries.
Prioritise Yourself
Make time for the people and activities that keep you grounded. Therapy, exercise, hobbies...whatever helps you feel like yourself again.
Communicate Smart
Stick to facts. Don't get drawn into emotional arguments. Keep your cool, even if they don't.
Manage Contact
Sometimes cutting contact isn't an option ( for example if you are co-parenting). In those cases, structure your interactions and don't expect emotional honesty.
Talk to a Professional
Getting help from a therapist can make a world of difference. Whether you're dealing with a narcissist or wondering about your own patterns, support helps.
Try the Grey Rock Technique
This one's a game changer. The grey rock method is about making yourself really boring in conversations; like a grey rock. That means being flat, neutral and not reacting emotionally. Narcissists thrive on drama and reactions. If they can't get a rise out of you, they often back off.
It works best when cutting contact isn't possible, like with a co-parent or colleague. Just remember, it takes practice. You've got to resist the urge to explain or fight back. It's not about being rude. It's about protecting your peace.
What's What: Traits vs Disorder vs Other Stuff
It’s important to know what you’re dealing with:
Traits: Someone's a bit full of themselves now and then. Still capable of empathy
Personality style: More consistent behaviour, but doesn't wreck their life
Full NPD: Big impact on relationships and daily function. Little empathy. Lots of drama
Why It Matters
If you're in a relationship with someone narcissistic, knowledge is power
At work, it helps to spot patterns so you're not constantly second-guessing yourself
If you're the one with these traits, recognising them is a first step to change
On a wider level, understanding narcissism helps reduce stigma and improve support
Final Thoughts
Narcissistic behaviour is more common than full-blown NPD. But even everyday narcissism can cause real stress. In Ireland, we're still learning how to talk about this stuff without shame or overreaction.
Healthy narcissism is a good thing. It helps us get through life with confidence, and bounce back from hard times. But when it turns toxic, it's important to know how to spot it and protect yourself.
Whether you're dealing with someone narcissistic, looking inward, or just curious, staying informed and grounded can help you navigate tricky relationships with a lot more clarity and a lot less stress.
Marianne Gunnigan MIACP July 2025
086 2525132
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