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Sure He’s Only After a Few: Living with Alcoholism in the Family



Image: Sky News
Image: Sky News

In Ireland, drink is part of the furniture. Pubs are where we celebrate and mourn. Pints are offered for bonding, for stress, for nerves, for no reason at all. We joke about “having a few” and slag off the “lightweights.” But there’s a darker side to this culture — one that many families know all too well.

Alcoholism — or alcohol use disorder — doesn’t just affect the person drinking. It ripples out into every relationship around them. Living with, loving, or even just being around someone who drinks too much can be exhausting, infuriating, confusing, and heartbreaking. And in Ireland, it’s often brushed off with a laugh, a shrug, or a “sure it’s grand.”

But sometimes, it’s not grand. It’s chaotic. It’s lonely. And it’s painful to watch someone you care about slowly disappear into the drink.

It’s hard to talk about because shame runs deep. So many families live in secrecy. But this silence helps no one. The more people speak openly about what it's like, the more others feel less alone. The more we can support each other, the more we can break the cycle.

Because he’s not just after a few.

Practical Supports for Families in Ireland

It’s one thing to recognise the problem. It’s another thing entirely to live with it. Support is essential — not just for the person with the addiction, but for their family and friends. Whether you’re still living with them, have cut contact, or don’t know what to do — there are organisations, helplines, and groups that understand what you’re going through.

Al-Anon Family Groups Ireland

If someone else’s drinking is affecting your life — even if they don’t live with you anymore — Al-Anon is a brilliant place to start. It’s not religious, not judgemental, and you don’t have to speak if you’re not ready.

People come together to share what it’s like to live with a drinker. You might hear your own story told by a stranger. You might cry. You might laugh. You might just feel heard for the first time in years.

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Ireland

If the person struggling is ready to get help, AA is the most well-known route. It’s peer-based and built on lived experience — no professionals, no prescriptions, just people helping each other stay sober, one day at a time.

What’s This About a “Higher Power” in 12-Step Programmes?

One thing that puts a lot of Irish people off Al-Anon or AA is the mention of a “higher power.” It sounds very religious, and not everyone in Ireland is comfortable with that anymore — for good reason.

But the idea behind a higher power in the 12-step model isn’t about religion or believing in God in the traditional sense. A higher power can be anything that feels bigger than yourself — nature, the universe, the group itself, or even the concept of love or kindness.

It’s about not carrying everything alone and finding strength outside of your own exhausted self. You don’t have to believe in anything you’re not comfortable with. You can take what helps and leave what doesn’t.

HSE Drug & Alcohol Helpline

This free and confidential service offers support, information, and guidance for anyone affected by drug or alcohol use — whether you’re the person drinking or someone close to them.

Family Support Network (FSN)

This national organisation supports families dealing with a loved one’s substance misuse. They offer peer-led support groups, family events, information sessions, and advocacy.

Children and Young People

If there are children or teenagers in the home, getting them support is vital. Growing up around addiction can have long-term emotional effects. Thankfully, there are services that understand what they’re facing:

Counselling & Therapy

Talking to a therapist can help make sense of the mess and rebuild boundaries. You don’t have to wait for someone else to change before getting help for yourself.

ACI is the professional body for addiction counsellors in Ireland. If you're looking for qualified, experienced help — whether for yourself or someone close to you — this is a good place to find someone local and accredited

  • Irish Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (IACP): www.iacp.ie


Final Word

Getting help doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re taking care of yourself — maybe for the first time in a long time. Whether the person with the problem ever gets sober or not, you don’t have to keep living in chaos. You deserve peace too.

There’s no shame in reaching out.

There’s strength in saying: This isn’t normal, and I need help.

You’re not alone. And it’s not your fault.


Marianne Gunnigan June 2025

086 2525132



 
 
 

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